I Was Going to Die
by OfficialWhaleSaver
Summary: The group comes back from Italy and Edward still has yet to talk to her. Will he reach her before she does something drastic to cover the pain. Edward x Bella takes place in New Moon. Oneshot.


Hey guys! This is a one shot i decided to throw together. I'm hoping you will see a lot more writing from me, because school in now out!! Woo Hoo!! So read and review!

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the characters, I own the plot!

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_**BPOV**_

The lights were turned off in my room, darkness clawed in from every corner, devouring the walls like my pain was devouring my sanity. I kept my icy window open in hopes that he would come by and at least tell me he was leaving. It would hurt more to see him again, but I needed to see his face one more time, because I had decided something when I came back from Italy.

_I was going to die. _

I had seen Edwards face, when he saw that I was indeed alive. It was relief. Relief was the emotion that flashed across his face. He was relieved that he didn't have to carry the guilt that he seemed to have twisted in his mind that told him it would be his fault I died.

Alice told me he would come and see me soon, and he would sort it all out. Edward and I hadn't spoken or hardly looked at each other since we got off the plane. Well I had been looking at him but he refused to meet my gaze. He didn't want to give me hope. I understood more than he thought. I was simply human and he was simply extraordinary. I waited curled up in my bed holding my arms around my chest tight as if I would fall apart if I seemed to loose my grip.

_**Flashback**_

_Edward still hadn't glanced my way, but he kept himself connected to my side. He wouldn't leave me alone and I knew it would only hurt me later. He would leave and I would be alone again. _

"_Edward why don't you go get the rental car ready" Alice said. _

_He simply nodded and started to pull me towards the rental car station, his arm wrapped solidly around my waist. _

"_Edward, you can leave Bella with me" Alice said from behind us. _

"_Alice" he growled angrily. _

"_Edward. Let. Her. Go." _

_He pulled me so close and tight. Holding me and for a split second I honestly believed maybe he loved me again, but I immediately shoved the idea away. _

_**Stupid Bella why would he want you?**_

_His grip loosened and he let go and walked off. I ran into Alice's embrace. My eyes held back tears, and my body was shaking against her. _

"_take me away Alice. Just pull me to the corner of the parking garage and kill me." I sobbed. _

"_wha- no Bella what are you talking about?!" she whispered furiously._

"_He feels guilty Alice, it's the only reason he's still here. As soon as I get back to Forks he will stay until he feels he has paid his dues, and leave me again. Just spare me the pain. Please Alice" _

"_No Bella, he will tell you the truth and you will see, you will understand!" she dry sobbed. _

_Edward pulled up in front of us in a blue Volvo. Our conversation ended there. I sat in the front seat, Edward held my hand over the center console. No one spoke a word until we got to Forks, and even then they were just saying a quick good-bye so I could hurry in to tell Charlie I wasn't dead. _

_**End Flashback **_

I couldn't wait any longer. It had been hours of me sitting in my bed waiting for Edward or Alice, just someone. My life was worth nothing to me anymore, I don't think it meant much to anyone else either. Renee doesn't need me, Charlie likes flying solo anyway, Alice was my friend for convenience, and Edward only pitied me.

I rolled off the side of the bed, and made my way out my room door. Charlie was gone, apparently some guys were tagging Newton's Outdoor Outlets. I slowly made my death march to side yard, where Charlie kept the ladder. I found it easily hidden under a few leaves. I set it up cringing whenever it made a loud clink. I climbed the ladder ungracefully.

I stood on the roof, staring at the cold concrete ground below me.

_I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you all. I wish I were better, but I'm not…_

My feet sprung from the ground and I was immediately falling to the ground that kept coming closer and closer. I could almost feel the cold cement driving into my bones, the blood seeping from the fresh wounds, and the feeling of pain. I had been so numb for so long. The hurt that was their previously didn't hurt any more I just felt the pressure and the inability to breath, but now I feel pain. It was good to feel something again. Even if it was an uncomfortable feeling.

"BELLA!" I heard as I was about to hit the ground.

_**EPOV**_

"Edward when are you going to grow some balls and go over there!" Emmett yelled after I had paced past him for the millionth time.

"Emmett leave me alone" I begged

"No Edward" I heard from the doorway, I spun around to see Alice.

"Edward you have had plenty of time, while you are sitting around think about what to say, Bella is most likely crying in her room, wondering when you will leave her again" She was furious.

"I'm not going to-"

"Does she know that Edward?"

"no bu-"

"Edward do you know what my best friend asked me today while you went to get a rental car? Do you know how badly you hurt her?"

"what did she ask-" I tried to intercept, but she continued her rant.

"She is scared, lonely, and confused. Were you paying attention to us while you went to get the car? Did you hear her ask me to-" she choked back a sob "to" she tried again.

"To what?!" I screamed.

"She asked me to spare her the pain of you leaving again, by dragging her to the corner of the parking garage and kill her"

_Everything stopped_

"she asked you to what?!" I yelled furious more with myself than anyone else.

I stared at Alice waiting for some sort of angry response from her saying I deserved all of the pain I get, but she was in her trance. I waited impatiently for her vision to stop. Her eyes widened, and her vision broke of. A high pitched scream of pain and desperation came from Alice's throat.

"Edward. It's Bella. Go!" she yelled.

I took me less than a second before I was sprinting off into the distance. What trouble had my angel gotten into this time? I hoped and prayed that is was a false alarm like the cliff diving incident was. I neared her home and saw Bella standing on her roof out of the corner of my eye. I spun towards her and pushed myself to run the fastest I had ever run.

I saw her body fall faster than I was running. I wasn't going to make it. This is all my fault. I snarled at myself I needed to focus on Bella. She would be okay, she had to be. I screamed her name, but I couldn't seem to get the words she needed to hear out.

'_I love you Bella! I always have and I always will!'_

She needed to hear them. It would all be okay as long as she knew I loved her, and she loved me, it would all be okay. I was so close. Just a few more feet. I pushed my legs to move faster. I used my feet to leap farther to get larger steps in.

'_I love you Bella please be okay'_

Her body crashed to the stone ground as soon as I yelled out what she needed to hear, what she needed to know.

"Bella I'm sorry! I have always loved you! I wanted to keep you safe! I swear!"

She heard me I know she did. I could tell. Blood pooled around her. My mind screamed, my voice followed soon after.

"No Bella. Bella listen to me! Don't close your eyes. Look at me. Keep your eyes on me, love please!"

He eyes were fluttering. I pulled her on my lap and cradled her in my lap, savoring the warmth. I knew she wouldn't live. I couldn't change her. I haven't fed in months, I would end up coated in her blood, and her lifeless beside me. I would never do that to her.

"Bella Carlisle is on his way here. Just hold on. Can you hold on for me love? Please!" I swiped some blood drenched hair off of her pristine face.

She was loosing blood fast. She is gone. Sobs wracked my body. Her frail, and almost limp body in my arms. I stared at her full pink lips. I kissed her gently, softly, memorably. She coughed a bit when I pulled away. Her lips formed the shapes needed to make words, and I watched intensely. I paid so much attention I thought I could almost hear her sweet voice flowing into my ear.

I could only make out five words. 'Love' 'You' 'Forgiveness' 'Live' and 'Edward'. Her body went totally limp and I pulled her tighter to my body. I kissed her neck, her face, her eyes, her ears, her shoulders, and her lips. I wouldn't live anymore, and she couldn't make me.

I should have let her make decisions for herself earlier, when I forced myself to leave her. Now I couldn't let her make a decision for me. I would not live. I will die, and if there is a merciful god he would let us be together until the end of eternity.

_I was going to die. _


End file.
